my arms bleed because of you

the end...not the best

Thu, 08 May 2008 20:21:14 GMT

i hate when people put you on the spot. i mean come on
i do believe that my life right now...isn't all that bad.
yes i have had a few ups and downs, but guess what.
i am not going to kill myself over that.
if i had the opportunity to change something in my life, anything.
i wouldn't.
it has made me who i am today. i would not be me if i changed everything to where my life was perfect, and i think people who would change that, don't appreciate what life has given them.
and yes this note is quite different from the other one, but i am through
i am not going to worry about it anymore.
it is what it is and i am not ready to mend this relationship only to have it torn apart again, you might not like it, but that is what it has come down to.
i'm not sad, im hurt that it has come down to this, but i didnt bring this upon myself, nor would i ever dream of bringing this upon myself, again if you can think of one sufficient way to make this better than do it.
i am ready for summer, i am ready to move i guess, and i am ready to find me a new man...lol!!!

~my arms bleed because of you

continuation

Thu, 08 May 2008 02:55:49 GMT

well, this may take a while to get over.
how do expect me to get over this so quickly?
you will be lucky if it ends before summer, but dont hold your breath.
i just find it hard to believe that someone like you, could do something so hateful to me.
are friends really supposed to be treated this way
to tell you the truth, i have had people who actually hated me who treated me better than you are treating me right now.
and trust i have friends who care much more about me than you claim you do.
o and on top of all this, my cousin, my best friend since like forever, is taking your side. of all things. he is mad at me because of how i am treating you for how you are treating me.
wow, thanks.
but i mean come on, i do believe i could make your life a living hell, on my own, just think of what your life would be like if i added in a few other people. you can not even picture it.
it just appalls me that you say your sorry.
here are some things that make me think you aren't sorry(please correct any, if needed)
1)you said you were sorry before
2)this is the second time it has happened
3)you really haen't done anything to prove to me that you are sorry
that is all for now on this subject...
next subject...i won't except your apology mainly because i dont feel like having my heart ripped out of my chest for a second time. you know that is one of the most painful things i have experienced, it has caused emotional and physical pain.
i just want to be able to call you my friend again, i hate losing friendships over stuff like this, but i didnt ask for this
o and what i did to myself,
i would say what has happened is a good reason to do it.
what could be worse than having a best friend make you feel like a worthless pile of shit, what could be worse than have a best friend hurt you so bad, you have never felt a pain so bad before?
i would say nothing,
therefore i would say that that is a good enough reason to do that, not to mention that that wasn't the only reason.
~my arms bleed because of you

friends..can't live with em and you can't live without em

Thu, 08 May 2008 01:08:44 GMT

well
right now i am hurt.
i am hurt because as i mentioned earlier, i was hurt by a friend.
i dont care if you see this, i want you to see this.
i love this guy and you know this, yet you spend every moment you could with him.
when i was sitting by myself and you walked by me, i was the least of your worries.
when i was crying my eyes out, i was not on the top of your priorities list.
when i tell you how i feel, you say sorry, but you never act on it.
no, this is not the first time it has happened, it has happened before.
that us why it is so much worse.
"i will tell him how it is, and i will try to tone it down a little."
YEA RIGHT!!!!
it has only gotten worse, your words were nothing compared to your actions.
you know that ole sayin...
"actions speak louder than words."
well, that definately applies here.
i dont care if you told me sorry a million times...it wouldn't help.
you wounded me so bad, it will take a while for your wound to heal.
my wishes meant nothing to you when he was involved.
i did not ask you to befriend him, i asked you to be more friendly to me
you treated me like a piece of worthless shit.
and i don't take that too well.
yes, i no you can't go back in time, yes i no you can't read minds, but seriously, if you could go back in time or if you could read minds, would you change it?
to tell you the truth, i don't think you would...sorry but the truth hurts.
i dont take being wounded to well, ~~as you can probably tell,~~ it is hard to believe what you tell me now.
i thought things would get better, but this time sorry doesn't cut it.
i took it last time, hoping that you ment it when you said it, but you didn't, so how can i trust you this time
i am mad, if you can find some way to make it up to me, then do it, but until then things will stay the way they are
i love all my friends, but do all my friends love me?

~my arms bleed because of you